Here we go. . .

IVF:  Week 1

 

          Saturday May 11, was my first hormone shot. Luckily, a friend of mine that is well versed in giving shots assisted me. The doctor had told me how to measure the ampules, and how to give myself the shot, but it was all very clinical. By Saturday, clinical wasn’t gonna cut it. This was real! I needed real advice, real application . . . real comfort. My girlfriend said all the right things; “You’re going to bruise yourself sometimes, you’re going to bleed sometimes, you’re going to lose your grip on the needle and you may flop it around under your skin a time or two,  but it’s OK!” She showed me how to give myself the shot without anxiety or worry of screwing it up. The first few days were fine. I had a few minor side effects of the med; cramping, bloating, and some digestive discomfort, but other than that, it was a synch. Until Wednesday. . .Wednesday was the first day I made myself bleed and gave myself a bruise. . .but I wasn’t worried. I knew it was ok because my friend, a woman I trust, assured me it would be ok. Then Thursday came and I felt weighed down. An exhaustion that wasn’t normal. I felt like crying. I have several things on my plate right now including a very difficult and rebellious child, a teenage girl that I love has run away into a world of drugs and prostitution, and my back is in so much pain that I can’t exercise and I’m a little freaked out about getting fat on the hormones then during pregnancy . . . so, some of those are legitimate things to cry about, others may be the hormones. But again, God provided me with comfort. He gave me an evening with two of my children-from-another-womb. My dear friends Charity’s children are like my own but I don’t get to see them often. They provided me with all the love and comfort I could have asked for . . . but I didn’t have to ask.

          I don’t believe the saying that God never gives you more than you can handle because God isn’t the only one “giving” us stuff in life. The devil is hard at work, and I believe that he is the one who has given me this hardship. But I do believe that there is nothing that God can’t use for His glory! The devil gave me this disease preventing me from conceiving on my own and God will take this pain and suffering and turn it into something remarkable! The Lord has already provided for me every step of the way . . . the right doctor, the money (it’s a large amount of money guys!), the support, and the strength. Having the direction and comfort of my friend during my first shot and then the love and company of these beautiful children was so much more than just that; it was God showing me that He will provide for me every step of this journey, that He will never leave my side, that He will comfort me in times of need, and that he will douse the flames of any anxiety with His cool soothing waters.

          This is by far one of the scariest journey’s I have embarked on. . .the shots, the procedures, the mood swings, the pain, the money, the money, the money, and what if it doesn’t work??? None of that is in my hands. It all rests in the mighty hands of my God and I rejoice for that!!

          Here we go . . . the journey begins. . .